didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
