We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
