He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
