When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
