took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was CRYING into my vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
