you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
