I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
