he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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