So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
