i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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