Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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