Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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