Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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