Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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