need another drink. this is the easiest way
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Houston, we have a blender
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
