be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
