Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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