I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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