so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
