Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..

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(301): View more from Maryland

I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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(334): View more from Alabama

nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(954): View more from Florida

I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

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(734): View more from Michigan

Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..

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(435): View more from Utah

He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.

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(716): View more from New York

I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.

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(313): View more from Michigan

His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!

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