Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize