she was so not down for the gang bang
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
