you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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