The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
