can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
