can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
