Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
