Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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