Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
