i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So squirting runs in the family.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
