He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You can't motorboat a personality
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
