boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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