My pussy is not your playground.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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