My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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