I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
