Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
