i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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