I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
