he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
