I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
