her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
