While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
