Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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