I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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