i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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