I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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