Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
