He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
