By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
