$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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