i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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