The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
