My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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