My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
