Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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