until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
