I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
