I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
