I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
