chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
