Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
