Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
