She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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