should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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