Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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