we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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