Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
