Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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